I can't believe she kept talking

I went to Starbucks this morning. I went to enjoy a girly cup of coffee and knit before fighting my way through a Target full of Stay-at-home-moms. (SAHMs) I ordered my drink settled into a comfy chair by the window and began to knit enjoying the quiet buzz of the shop. Not long, maybe a few rows into my scarf, came along two SAHMs and a toddler boy. I am very interested in SAHMs, they kind of perplex and intrigue me. I wonder how they can manage being home all the time and not go insane. These two ladies appeared to be friends coming in for a little coffee and a chat. They grabbed a table near me and began to discuss their lives.

I can't help but to eavesdrop. What else do I have to do? I listen for a minute then tune them out, or so I tried. The one lady, I'll call her the Queen SAHM, was the dominant person in the relationship, the other's name was Sarah. At first Queen SAHM was talking evenly. Then she went on and on and on about her perfect life. And she talks fast, so fast I wondered if she was on something.

Sarah SAHM: "I see there's a plan for an Easter event in the neighborhood, that looks like fun."
Queen SAHM : "Oh yes. I was planning that with some other moms. We think it will be so much fun for the kids. They get a whole week off from school."
Sarah SAHM: "Yeah. That will be good to have them home. Are you planning anything big with your family?"
Queen SAHM : "We're going to Williamsburg for the week of Easter, the rooms are cheap this is the only time we can afford to go for that long. And we won't have to stay with my in-laws! We can take in the sights and maybe visit a beach. That area is so perfect since the park is all about what the kids are learning in school. I like to keep on the full circle education process."
Sarah SAHM: "But you're planning the Easter hunt right?"
Queen SAHM "Oh, sure. I mean we're going to Williamsburg for the week, we'll come home in time for the hunt, Friday we'll drive back. That leaves us with the weekend and Monday too."
Sarah SAHM: "I see, that will be fun..."
Queen SAHM interrupts: "Ed will be gone up until the trip. Did I tell you how he bought the kids some coats. He used the $500 gift card for REI and bought half price coats. They really didn't need any more coats, since I just bought them some last season, but oh well. They were half price. And they weren't the REI brand either. They were Columbia and the North Face, the multiple parts coat, you know with the removable liners and all that. Those are really good brands. The boys will stay so warm. I don't know when we'll use them, maybe we can try to ski this coming winter."
Sarah SAHM: "Oh. That would be fun for the boys."
Queen SAHM: "Now I need to find somewhere to put all these coats. I mean what am I going to do with all these coats? The closet downstairs is already full of the boys' stuff, so I had to put some in the study closet for now. Have you been the Pottery Barn store lately or seen a recent catalog?"
Sarah SAHM: "No, I got a catalog some time ago..."
Queen SAHM: "Yeah? So I saw this neat little coat rack seat thing that would be perfect for the coats. Do you know the one I'm talking about? The one with.....(here she goes on in way too much detail about this perfect coat rack)"
Sarah SAHM: "But I thought you had something already set up in your entry way area?"
Queen SAHM: "Oh, the individual cubbies with baskets and hooks? Of course I do, but this Pottery Barn piece would be so perfect. I could set it up there and then I'd have a place to put my stuff and the kids can use it to hang their bags and hats."
Sarah SAHM: "Yes it is nice piece. Do you have the room for it?"
Queen SAHM: "Of course I do. Why not?"
Sarah SAHM: "What does Ed think?"
Queen SAHM: "Nothing, he's not around. What does he care? As long as everything looks good and is put away he doesn't notice a thing. So I'm going to try and see if that piece is able to ship here in a week. I can't stand that messy area it looks perfect and so why not buy it?"
Sarah SAHM: "Yeah, why not. Haha." (that was forced laughter)

Queen SAHM: "I found some great clothes for Maggie at Gymboree. All half price. It was great I couldn't believe all the deals! Then I stopped over at the Gap and found more clothes, half price too. What sales! The kids are going to be set. Except for shoes. I can't seem to find the right sizes for the boys. So I went to the mall and lucked out."
Queen SAHM: Noticing the toddler Jack "That's such a great outfit on him, so cute. Where did you get it? "
Sarah SAHM: "I went to Kohl's last week."
Queen SAHM: "Really? They have good stuff? Have you ever found anything good there? I couldn't find anything there I'd wear. I know Ed won't wear anything from there, he only wears Ralph Lauren or Chaps. I found some great deals there for the kids. I had never been there before 3 weeks ago. Not sure if I'll go back again"
Sarah SAHM: "I've gone a few times, it's a good store, great bargains."
Queen SAHM: "Sure. I guess. It's no Pottery Barn , Gap, or Gymboree, but it's ok. I mean I found some shoes for Maggie, very cute. Nike have the best sizes for my boys, it's so hard to find their shoes."
Sarah SAHM: "I tend to just buy my boys shoes from Target."
Queen SAHM: "Target is good too, but Nike is better for my boys. Ed loves them too, he won't wear anything else. Speaking of which I just found these last week. (Pointing out her new shoes) But I need to find some good shoes for church, I'll need to see if I can find anything at Nine West or one of the other shoes stores at the mall."
Sarah SAHM: "Oh, those are nice. Having good shoes for Sunday is important, I haven't bought any in a long time."
Queen SAHM: "Oh you totally should. Having good shoes is so important. I mean how can you show up to church in last season's shoes? That's the worst."
Sarah SAHM: "Good point. Maybe I should......"
Queen SAHM interrupts: "So I've been working out this month, you should too. I joined this group and it has been great, I've lost some weight, and I feel motivated. What do you do?"
Sarah SAHM: "We're remodeling our basement. Mark will have the back half set up for our home gym. We'll have the flat panel TV on the big wall and the machines facing it and the toys will be organized on shelving."
Queen SAHM: "Do you have the Dish? I can't even exercise without watching TV. It's too hard. But if I can watch some cooking shows I'm set and can be on the treadmill for hours."
Sarah SAHM: "I know. I think it will help me too. I have a hard time since Jack here needs to be busy too, maybe if he can play and watch a movie I can focus on the treadmill myself. We'll have weights too, Mark is tired of going to the gym late so we picked out the things we like to use there to have at home. "
Queen SAHM: "Ohh. That's so nice. Hey maybe we can set up something like 'Sarah's gym' where I can come over and we can exercise together. That'll work out so great. I had this other friend with the same set up, she and I used to always workout together. We really kept each other going you, know. It was nice to have a friend. We always worked out together, but she moved. Right after taking the kids to school, we'd go walk and then go to her house. You know we should set up a schedule. You know. Like Mondays we do weights and then spin. Wow this is going to be great for me, I mean us."

I was glad that they were on the way out the door because I was at my wits end. The Queen SAHM really needed a good smack in the face. I was getting sick of her talking. Her loud non-stop talking. I had moments of near insanity, thinking how much I'd like to tell her to shut up. For the Nikes, Pottery Barns, and Gymborees of the world this woman is the best thing that can happen to them. They pray she walks into their stores. I am guessing that these gals are not entirely well off. At least not to the extent to which Queen SAHM believes she is, why would she be so damn concerned about "half-price" stuff? I suspect that she and her husband are using their credit cards to the max and have tons of stuff they don't need. Like 3 winter coats for her 4 kids a piece and no room to store them? What nut case does that? If you have little kids it's a waste of money to buy more than one coat per season, they grow too fast, boys in particular. I sense that this lady had a difficult teenage time. She's making up for the past by ensuring that her family looks its best. As long as she can spend the $$$ and keep spending then the corporations will be glad to make better things for her and people like her to waste money on. And people like me will still go to Kohl's. Besides I don't want her to know how much stuff I can walk out of that store with for under $300.


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