Wednesday, April 03, 2013

Poop on a Plate

I thought about coming up with a different title for this post so as to not give away too much but I figured that was pointless. I felt being direct was far more worthy and humorous.

Three children into this gig and I'm thinking I've got this motherhood role figured out. Sure compared to some of my friends who have twice the number of children I'm a novice but I'd like to think of myself as a quasi-professional. I have countless hours of being the default babysitter for all of my cousins (being the eldest grandchild on both my mother's and father's sides of the family that was my job apparently) at family gatherings being outnumbered at least 5 to one was pretty typical. And all the years of babysitting for profit was quite useful. My years as a pre-school teacher for 2-3 year olds opened my eyes to the amazing abilities of tiny humans. If I add the life experiences to years of motherhood I've got a decent mothering resume. All of that has given me a wealth of information. Or some tips and tricks if you will.

For example I learned that if you are outnumbered by your cousins and for some reason they, those annoying little brats, decided between them that you the most awesome example of the first born cousin that ever lived was being too bossy then you should PAY ATTENTION when the room gets quiet. Failure to do so will result in being bound up with numerous jump ropes and stuffed into your grandmother's super scary basement storage room aka the dungeon and left for dead. Moral: when kids are quiet they are up to something and if you're outnumbered you better have a weapon nearby to deflect the assault. Ok so maybe you won't be assaulted by plotting children but you never know do you? At least be close to the exit so you can bail before becoming a prisoner.

As a pre-school teacher I learned that boys love to flush things down toilets. Lots and lots of things. Mulch, rocks, sticks, socks, cars, puzzle pieces, food, underwear, pine cones, sand, and things I can't remember. I also learned that 2-3 year olds believe in communal eating. They will gladly help their neighbors finish food or in many cases eat the best stuff first on their plate and then move on to the next plate. Pre-school teaching showed me that kids will eat dirt, bugs, mulch, sand, gravel, glue, glitter, paper, leaves, grass, flowers, and just about anything that fits into a mouth. Catching them is key to keeping them alive. And don't think that kid who is a picky eater and won't even eat a piece of bread won't attempt to eat a very large bug because that's EXACTLY who will decide that a large beetle looks appetizing. I also learned that a two year old can fit WAY more pieces of gravel into their mouths than you think could ever be possible. Kids also have death wishes. They do and particularly boys for that matter. Trees are for climbing and so is playground equipment, a roof and anything else that looks like a good high place to stand on. The problem is that 2 year olds tend to not understand the basics of gravity and when you are 8 months pregnant you will learn how fast a pregnant woman can run across a playground to catch a kid from falling. It's pretty fast in case you were wondering. I think I had a 2 minute mile rate that day. I could go on. So many lessons.

Still nothing I have seen thus far has occurred before today.

Adelynn took a nap like any other normal day. While she napped I went to the basement to sit on the couch and catch up with some of my projects. I knew she was awake when I heard her calling my name. I met her at the top of the stairs. She was mumbling something about help and a plate. Still all stuffed up from allergies I was absolutely clueless as to what she was needing help about. She kept saying she needed help and mentioning a plate. Still baffled it wasn't until she pointed to her behind that I decided to investigate. She turned around and as I pulled back her pants and diaper that's when it all made sense.

First being that much closer to her I was able to notice the stench of her very full diaper and second I noticed the plate. Yes. A plate. I thought to myself "Did I just see what I think I saw in there?" and my next thought was "Boy do I hope that is a plastic plate" I hoped that all the way to the bathroom for the very needed clean up. As I was cleaning her up she babbled on about how there was a plate in her diaper. So the plate. It was indeed a plate. And it was not pretty. Not any more. It was one of the ceramic plates to an old tea set from when Leah was little. I considered for about 3 seconds how I'd ever get it clean and then realized that I'm crazy. You know, because when you've got a plate with poop on it, it's time to just toss it out and pretend it never happened. If anything this incident has made something very clear to me: Adelynn is ready for getting the potty training done. I mean, when your kid stuffs a plate down her pants to get the poo off her bottom then you know it's time to get serious about the potty.

So, how was your Wednesday?

1 comment :

Carolyn said...

Oh my! I think this incident tops anything that you or Heather did at that age.